Friij News Service: Yinchorr Editorial

[Zedd Palvor]

Destruction of Yinchorr Declared "A Wash"
A Poorly Researched and Haphazardly Constructed Editorial Opinion

Greetings, denizens of the shadows and perusers of the most up-to-date and simultaneously most dubious of news media. Recent reports indicate that Yinchorr and most, if not all, of the Yinchorri beings which hailed from it, has and have been massively eradicated in a thoroughly brutal fashion. Our information indicates that the destruction took place via orbital bombardment from one or more Star Destroyers, indicating some Imperial presence in the action. Frankly, we had no one on the scene and have no intention of sending anybody there now, so third-hand reports are all you get. In any case, we hereby dub this action "Yinchorrcide," which we at Friij News Service have now copyrighted and will heavily overuse for the next several days, in hopes that it will catch on and make us some credits. Here is a dramatic recreation of the Yinchorrcide, created using stock images and an appallingly lazy graphics engineer:



My, wasn't that exciting? Now, the real question is, what does this mean to you out there, our target audience? Frankly, not much, on the face of things. The Yinchorri were an exciting new market to exploit in the halcyon days of our grandbeings, buying up all manner of spacecraft and weaponry and embarking on a glorious period of epic mayhem and devastation in the Immalia Sector. But they tried to do too much too soon and were soon hemmed in by government interests that refused to see the profit potential in unrestrained chaos, and were placed under interdiction. The Yinchorri haven't been able to purchase so much as a single weapon of mass destruction in 30 Standard Years. Why, then, should we mourn their loss? We shouldn't, really, save only that we could have made a few quick credits off the suffering of a lingering but decimated populace. That is the true cost of Yinchorrcide: a hateful efficiency which declines to allow enterprising citizens an opportunity to profit from the mouldering corpse of an entire world. For shame, Imperials. For shame.

Ahem. Yinchorrcide.

But we do have some reason to be quietly optimistic about the future, as other rim worlds seek to buy up relic spacecraft and a hodgepodge of weaponry in a vain attempt to ensure a 'defense' against Imperial aggression. Outdated starfighters, illegal disruptor pistols and unregistered blasters are all projected to make gains in the short term. You've got the goods and you know who your customers are likely to be, so all that's left is to get started. Thanks to Yinchorrcide.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled data replication feed.